Checksum Arcanius

Here in New York, except for the heat, and the humidity, and the trash everywhere, and the sky-high prices of renting, it seems like an ok place to be.

Today, after walking around Manhattan for a while, where we saw Wall Street and the World Trade Center site, Scott and I took the subway out to Brooklyn, where we walked down the street to a park. There was literally not a another white person anywhere in entire one-mile round trip we took. Its two whole different worlds all here in the same city.

I am sitting in the Thompson Public Library, accessing the internet for the first time in about a week and a half. It is nice to be typing on a computer again. I didn’t really notice how much I was missing it.

I kept a paper journal of a good part of the trip so far, so I will transcribe that below. But for those that don’t want to read all of that, here is the summary:

Scott and I boarded a Greyhound bus in Seattle on Friday, June 17th. Only though much pleading and careful watching did our bikes make it all the way to Portland, Maine with us three and a half days later. We assembled our bikes between 10:00pm and midnight behind the closed bus depot, then rode to the Motel, where the real adventrue began. After working our way down Maine into New Hampshire for a couple of days and battling four flat tires, Scott hurt his knee, and we had to take it easy for a couple of days. We headed off again and passed though Massachusetts (sp?) before crossing into Connecticut today.

Now, the long version: [Denotes addition – not in original journal]
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Stayed up all night working on my 25-page paper. It is now up to 18 pages. I think I’ll make it. It looks pretty goo so far.

Fortunately, this plethora of school/work/bike trip preparations will end soon, and I will only have one thing to worry about: pedaling.

Circuits test: 79. Not great, but not the end fo the world. I guess I’m getting a B in that class. I think that’ll be my first B from BCC. Oh well, getting out just in time I guess. I graduate this August.

I still have a personal statement to write for UW Bioengineering. Before I leave, hopefully.

Not so hot in the reading or exercise, or sleeping parts, or in the CS part. Bah.

Mega-uber-super-rut this weekend.

Resolutions? Not worth talking about.

Starting to come out fo the funk now, though, I think.

Yesterday, I was in bed by midnight (or so), I read several pages, and Counter-Strike hovered around an hour and ten minutes. Not too bad on those three, but I didn’t get anything done in the exercise section.

Stress can be a great motivator that causes me to accomplish tasks. However, introspection has led me to the conclusion that I usually respond badly to stress and that I have very poor stress management techniques. This comes somewhat as a surrpise, because I tend to think of myself as a mostly calm and collected individual. I now believe this calm under fire to be mostly a facade. For example, I now believe that my episode of insomnia leading up to the 2005 FIRST Robotics Competition Championship is an indication of my unhealthy response to stress.

Insomnia alone is not to bad. However, when stressed, I find that I often fall into a rut and spend vast amounts of time going down paths that lead nowhere. The two most common ruts seem to be compulsive Counter-Strike playing and mindless internet surfing through online forums, news, porn, humor sites, and other dubiously useful information. These episodes are not short-lived either. I have spent hours in these ruts, going nowhere, but going there quickly.

I believe that it would be highly beneficial to me to retrain myself so that my response to stress is an immediate and direct response to the stressor, or at the very least, a healthy coping technique such as running, as opposed to my current techniques which make me feel bad about myself and get nothing useful done. If only self-mastery were a pill I could swallow. Instead, it is a process that only the dedicated few can truly harness.

Here’s to not giving up.